Stargate: Atlantis Sheppard/McKay
Summary: "And by saying inspired, I do not mean that the there is some malevolent being out there who is out to make my life totally hell, except that I totally do mean that."
"When the lights starting flickering, okay, we could handle that - it would take a bit of fidgeting, but even the engineering types could do basic work."
"Rodney..." Sheppard leaned against the wall. The lights dimmed and brightened again.
"But we were not finished when the temperature started going wonky. Which is why it's snowing in the gateroom, but people are working in their underwear in the lab, and while seeing Simpson like that is fuel for fantasies to come, not so much with Radek. But we were working on that, too - your guys were good for that." Rodney wiped the sweat out of his eyes with his thermal shirt. He paced some more, trying to get his things straight in his head, but the shaking of the city made it hard. "The stabilizers - now that was inspired. And by saying inspired, I do not mean that the there is some malevolent being out there who is out to make my life totally hell, except that I totally do mean that. Because that can be the only explanation why I am currently seasick - or I would be had I not emptied my stomach earlier because all the refrigerators were flickering too."
"No one has food poisoning, Rodney. Especially you."
"I do not have food poisoning because I took the precaution of emptying my stomach." He rolled his eyes at such an obvious statement. Really - did no one else have common sense? He'd have thought Sheppard, at least....
But then, Sheppard had dragged him out of the sauna/lab into the freezer/corridor, and then locked them in this not-quite-as-sauna-like closet for no discernable reason except that Radek (and there was the image of nearly naked Radek again to torture him) asked him to, which was totally unreasonable as the entire city was breaking down around them. And he had to come up with a reason why so that they could have it stop breaking down, so taking him out of the lab was clearly counterproductive, but here they were and why was Sheppard frowning at him like that? He ran his fingers through his hair, which he knew made him look like a total dork, what with the frozen sweat - and he was so catching pneumonia from this, too, which was totally Sheppard's fault. And Radek's, and the malevolent being. Definitely, the malevolent being.
"Rodney, if you don't calm down, I'll...I'll....I'll give you a blowjob." Sheppard put his hands on his hips.
Rodney stopped. And turned around. And. "You...you're threatening me with a blowjob?"
Sheppard frowned again. His eyes widened. "Yes. Yes, I am ." He sounded vaguely surprised.
"Okay, leaving aside the idea that that was a threat - which deserves its own exploration - since when does Captain Kirk do blowjobs? And I never bought that thing about him and Spock, so don't even go there."
"Kirk and Spock?" Sheppard shook his head. "No, no. Just look at the fifth movie. It's totally Spock and McCoy."
Rodney considered. "That *would* be possible *if* the fifth movie ever happened, but we ALL know it didn't."
"Only the story never happened. The campfire scenes did." He smirked.
"Yes, well. Huh. That doesn't change the fact that YOU just threatened ME with a blowjob." Yeah, backtracking. That'll work. Except what was he backtracking to?
"You're not panicking anymore, are you?" He smirked *more*, which, combined with the blowjob idea, gave Rodney images that overwrote Simpson in a sports bra.
"That's because I'm wondering what universe you're from that a blowjob, *any* blowjob at all, really, but especially one from someone like you, would be a threat...universe. Universe." He tapped his radio. "Radek, get some clothes on - PLEASE - and check the ZPM for leakage. Just do it, all right? I don't know what kind - something that doesn't look like it belongs. You'll figure it out. Just do it." He turned to Sheppard.
"Let me out now? Not panicking now."
"Don't you want me to make good on my threat?" He moved closer. And - wow, Sheppard looked really, really good there on his knees.
"This is...you're not doing this. Oh. Oh. You are. And...you're...oh."
Sheppard let go. "Rodney, if you don't stop talking..."
Okay, that *was* a threat. Rodney shut up and let Sheppard's mouth - very talented, too - go to work, and also his hands and there were teeth and oh....Yes.
Twenty minutes later, they were on the floor with Sheppard buried deep inside Rodney, while the city calmed down around them and Radek crowed triumphantly in Rodney's ear.